Wednesday, 23 February 2011

10 Reasons why Couples shouldn't Gym together

Earlier this week I observed a couple of gym-goers (an actual couple) indulging in some most unusual behaviour. They were at the gym, together. Don't they know the rules....

Here are ten reasons why you don't want to share gym sessions with your loved one:

1. You'll end up sharing a sports bottle

Not only is this totally gross (I love my boyfriend and everything but I don't want to share water out of a sweaty gym bottle!) but you, men, will end up carrying around a bright pink Sweaty Betty sports drink holder. True story. Oh, and, whoever isn't in charge of the bottle will be constantly bugging you to "borrow" it. Which leads me to Number 2...

2. Your partner will come and "chat" (read, just stand there) whilst you are trying to work out

It is distracting and time-consuming enough when you bump into a friend at the gym or strike up conversation with someone as your eyes meet over the sanitising spray, but imagine factoring this into every single gym session. Inefficient and definitely ineffective exercising.

3. Suddenly you're having discussions that would be better to have in private

... or, come to think of it, anywhere but at the gym. Couples, take note; at the gym there are many opportunities for those using machines, weights and generally hanging around looking cool, to observe and listen. That guy next to you on the running machine whilst you debate what you're having for dinner or whose turn it was to put the bins out last week is definitely listening. And wishing you'd take it outside.

4. Girls take longer to perform post-gym activities

Going to the gym with your girlfriend is a rookie mistake, especially for you guys who live with one already. You know that after your gym session it will take at least half an hour longer for the girl to shower, change, apply make-up and, potentially, dry and straighten her hair. Don't even get me started on Spa use. Let's just say girls like to make more thorough use of the facilities (with the exception of the hot tub hogging guy from the other week - still fuming).

5. You will smell

One for new couples: if you're still in that new relationship, you're-so-great-and-perfect, we-don't-have-bodily-functions, stage of life then the gym is probably not the best place for you. Self-consciously trying to exercise whilst pretending you aren't sweaty / smelly / pretty unfit will either be very awkward or will render the visit totally pointless (think: those girls who go to the gym in full make-up / dangly earrings and barely move thus not even working up a slight glow of sweat).

6. You might get all territorial

People check each other out at the gym. Fact. It can even be a nice harmless confidence boost - a bit like the feeling you get when a builder whistles at you. However, it isn't a great feeling to see the fit muscly guy checking out your partner; or the perfect make-up girl getting checked out whilst on the step machine (see above). Depending on temperament, it could even lead to a punch-up... better to stay at home and watch Eastenders together methinks.

7. Horribly competitive sides might be revealed

This reason is simple: letting off steam at the end of the day shouldn't include fighting with your boyfriend at the gym because he won't let you win.

8. One for girls: you can't flirt with the instructors

With Boyf breathing down your neck and doing all the heavy lifting, how are you going to engage in a little harmless flirtation with the instructors? You'll miss out on playing the weak, defenceless girl when you can't work / reach something.

9. One for boys: she'll ruin your street cred

When in the "boys area" (i.e. the free weights), imagine indulging in your usual masculine, macho banter with your loved one listening and hurrying you along (a bit like taking your mum on a lads' night out).

10. IS NOTHING SACRED??

Finally, couples shouldn't gym together because they just shouldn't. Some people go there to work out, unwind, have some time on their own (and to people-watch!!) and those people, especially singletons, don't want to be faced with couples PDA'ing and arguing all over the place. Rant over.

:-)